Building Meaningful Relationships

Who's In Your Child's Circle?

Relationship Circle Diagram

I’ve always considered myself to be an introvert. When I was younger, I enjoyed making friends but only a few who were quiet like I was. I liked people but enjoyed quiet time alone. As a teenager, I spent so much time alone that my mom would sometimes call for me to come downstairs and get outside. My hobbies were writing poems, listening to music and figuring out the lyrics of each song, sewing, cross-stitching, and baking. I spent hours drawing fashions that I dreamed I’d share with some of my favorite female singers and groups. Diana Ross and the Supremes, Martha and the Vandellas, and the Pointer Sisters would have looked absolutely amazing in some of my designs. Or so I thought.

In high school, I had a select group of friends who I’d run around town with and talk on the phone with, but I enjoyed my alone time. Though I was encouraged by classmates to join the cheerleading and majorette teams, instead I joined our school’s newspaper and French clubs. Although I appreciated the company of others, I never regarded myself as socially outgoing.

Years later, when our daughter was diagnosed with autism, I realized that I had much to learn. As I began to reach out to state agencies and organizations that support individuals with disabilities, I knew I had to change for the sake of our child. While I had a desire to withdraw and isolate myself further, it was no longer a luxury I could afford. To grow, learn, and enhance the quality of life for our child and others, I needed to connect with others and build a network of relationships.

For years, I’ve taught a program for parents of children with disabilities regarding planning for transition out of high school into adult life. One of the topics discussed is determining who is in the child’s relationship circle. A relationship circle helps to understand the network of relationships that a person has (no matter how small) in his or her life. It also helps to expose the lack of friends and supportive persons. Nurturing meaningful relationships can help to ensure that others are involved in the disabled person’s life, in order to provide care, friendship, and supports that the individual may need throughout life.

In class, parents are given a handout with a diagram of several circles. The innermost circle includes the child’s name. Each of the outer circles are designated for the names of family, friends, acquaintances, and other people and organizations that support the child at home, school, church, camp, recreation, community, etc. Parents are instructed to name individuals who play an important part in their child’s life and development. It never fails to be a difficult assignment. Many times, parents only write their names and maybe siblings and grandparents names in the first two circles. Some may write a teacher, therapist, or doctor’s name in one of the circles, but it becomes more and more difficult to complete the diagram any further. It soon becomes obvious that we must continue to meet and find others who can help nurture and support the individual.

When going through the process of applying for a support waiver for your child with a disability, as he or she becomes an adult and need supports at home and in the community, the agency that processes the application will ask you to complete a relationship circle. It is used to determine gaps in support needs. The goals will include what the individual is interested in doing and who will help. It’s never too early to start working on your child’s relationship circle.

Recently, I was asked to speak about the importance of building community which I’ll share more about in a later story. Community isn’t a place or a building. It is about finding and maintaining relationships with like-minded individuals, those who have common needs and interests. Connecting with community has helped me to understand that I’m not just an introvert but I’m also capable of social interaction, making friends, helping others, and continually learning new things. Anyone who knows me can testify that I found my voice and enjoy talking, also.

Building relationships takes time. Relationships play a major role in our wellbeing and helps us build a more meaningful, happy, and fulfilled life.

Who are the individuals your child requires and desires within his or her relationship circle?